It was getting late out, I had drunken one too many Vodkas for my own good. It was starting to get cold out and my friends were getting antsy to leave the apartment.
"Hmm, to wear a mini skirt or to wear a mini dress that is the question." I thought aloud to myself. "Maybe I should go with this hot skirt and a cute crop?" I said. "But then you're going to get cold you dyte, wear a bold pair of skinny's and a fringe crop. Warm yet fashionable."
My friend blurted out, "Hurry up in there!"
"Why don't I just wear the mini skirt, I'm sure it'll be warm in the frat house? No you can't wear that, you're going to be walking and you're already drunk for Christ's sake!"
"HURRY THE HELL UP!" I could hear the anger in my friends voice.
"This is so hard, I want to show off my legs, but I also want to be warm! Screw it you only live once!" At that moment I walked out of the room wearing a black mini with a sexy crop that read "Gangsta rap made me do it." My friends whistled at me like a dog and we hit the streets for a good night.
With a piece like this where most of the dialogue is silent and in your head, one way to handle it on the page is to italicize the interior stuff and put the friend's comments in quotation marks the way you have them.
ReplyDeleteThat will make a good contrast visually--and the look of a piece on the page is an underrated (really a never-noticed) part of the reader's experience.
And the material is fine!