"Of course not. Well, it might burn on the way down but you'll get over it." Well, if she said so I guess she had to be right. When she had finished packing the green substance into the swirly, majestic looking structure I felt a twinge of nervousness in my stomach. "It's alright. I'll show you how then you can have a turn."
"Okay." I said wearily. As she brought the pipe to her lips she lit the lighter and I could see smoke billowing out around her mouth. She made a squinted up face for about 5 seconds and then coughed out a big cloud of smoke. "You're turn." She said with a smile.
"I need help!"
"Just hold your finger on this hole and when I say suck, suck the smoke into your lungs as much as you can and no matter how bad it burns, don't let it out!" I put my lips to the pipe just as she had done. As the lighter lit I hear her yell "Suck!" So I did just that. Just as soon as I started to suck I broke out into a coughing fit like I've never experienced. I let my lips off the pipe and hacked out a huge cloud of smoke. This coughing continued for about 5 minutes. Just as soon as I could catch my breath she had stopped laughing. "That was hilarious. Ready for some more?"
This is prompt number 8
Whoa, whoa! You give us all the buildup and then deny the reader the high??? That's audience abuse!
ReplyDeleteYou can't end a piece "That was a day I will never forget on that hot Georgia afternoon." That's where you should have begun! Try a rewrite that starts with that very sentence--or at least starts, ""Want to try something really, really bad?" Of course my intriguing mind couldn't resist. "Sure" I said with a slick smile."