Being alone
is not something that happens very often. My life is constantly busy, on the
go, running around. Alone time is something that I am rarely blessed with time
to myself. Sometimes I find myself thinking, “Wow, this is really nice, I
should cut back on my busy life and enjoy myself.” Getting to this point is
probably being alone in my car while driving to work, class and my boyfriend’s
house. Also, lying in my bed at night. These are pretty much the only times I
am alone in my life.
EDITED VERSION
EDITED VERSION
The room is
cold, quiet and somber. The rain is pouring down outside and the clouds are
covering the sun; the only light in the room is coming from the muted TV. She
sits there silently on the couch wondering how the world can be such a cruel,
yet beautiful place. To her right she sees the soft raindrops rippling the calm
lake outside, yet to her right she sees a television flashing clips of war
scenes and economy crisis’. She chooses
to keep looking out the window. She sees
trees across the lake, swaying in the light breeze being soaked in rain. It
really is a beautiful scene she thinks to herself.
Give this another shot and rewrite. What you're doing here is answering the prompt as if it were a test and we wanted your thoughts on being alone. What we really want is for you to BE alone, to feel it, to get into it, to write about a moment or a situation. We want you to push the material so we have more than your thoughts and opinions--we have a story or an image, a laugh or a tear, something that will stick with us.
ReplyDeleteWell I guess it was a total fail on my part. This was pretty confusing- I think I get it now. I will re-write them.
ReplyDeleteSure, absolutely, that's a very nice take on the prompt, sort of a prose poem--and the third person works very well here to create that dreamy mood.
ReplyDelete